


What If It's Perfect

by enjayas



Category: What If It's Us - Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjayas/pseuds/enjayas
Summary: A scene I felt was missing from Arthur's birthday. Everyone else has gone to bed and Arthur and Ben are finally alone.





	What If It's Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> If you're coming from my other works, this one may feel different. I tried to write it in the style of _What If It's Us_ , which I just finished reading. So I guess this was also a writing exercise! (Which I really should do more of ^_^"")

  


**Arthur**  
Sunday August 5th 

 

It’s 1:17AM and he’s is in my bed. Well, it’s not really _my_ bed. It’s the bed in my uncle Milton’s apartment that I’ve been staying in all summer, but it’s becoming as much mine as this New York side-adventure is becoming a main thread in the canon of my life. 

Ben is a part of that life. 

He’s lying right next to me either asleep or pretending to be, and I swear I’ve never been more hard in my life. It’s almost painful. I don’t know how I can be expected to drift off when all the blood in my body is rushing south because there’s an insanely cute boy that I’m madly in love with right across from me and all I can think about is how much I want to touch him. And have him touch me. I was not ready to be this close to him. Arthur Seuss, you did not think this through! I’m breathing hard, way too hard for someone who’s supposed to be sleeping.

And then I notice…

He is too. 

Neither of us are asleep.

The little bit of light from the city that never sleeps outside the room's small window washes over the bed and his eyelids flutter subtly in the shadows. We’re lying on our sides facing each other, so close but expressly not touching, like if either one of us moves we’re going to be committed to the act. To going all the way. 

And we both know we’re not there yet. Believe me, it’s not for lack of wanting it. 

I shift on the mattress with a soft breath and inch slightly closer to him. To Ben. This boy that has so fully captured my heart that I couldn’t get it back if I tried. 

His fingers brush over mine on the mattress and my breath catches in my throat.

“You asleep?” He asks.

“No.” I barely whisper. “You?” I reach out in the dark and touch his face.

“Nah.” I feel his head shake ‘no’ against the pillow and his cheek twitch with a smile.

By some incredible act of bravery that came from I don’t know where - maybe it’s the late hour or because it’s my birthday or maybe it’s because I’m going home in a week and there isn’t time left to be shy, or maybe because I just want this so badly - I somehow find the courage to kiss him and press our bodies together while I do.

There’s shifting. Wordless kissing. Hands are everywhere, shirts are lost in the shuffle, and suddenly I’m three-quarters of the way on top of him and down to my boxers. Our hips and legs slide together like puzzle pieces that were made to fit together all along. And there is grinding. An _embarrassing_ amount of grinding. But he’s into it. I’m into it. And I don’t really know how to stop or where to go from here.

His hands slide down to my hips and hover at the edge of my boxers. But he hesitates. He’s worried I’m going to freak out like last time.

“Go on.” I nudge him verbally and with my nose at the same time.

“Are you sure?”

“Ben Alejo, I swear to God if you don’t-”

I’m silenced by my own sharp intake of air. And then I can’t think. I can’t breathe. His hand is on me and everything in the universe collapses in on itself the way I collapse into him and everything is just Ben, Ben... 

_“Ben.”_

I gasp his name without realizing it. 

He pulls me down and smothers it with a kiss. My breaths which are just short bursts of air start coming out my nose and echoing against his freckled cheek. Our lips break for air and I’m about to vibrate out of my own body. I don’t care if Jessie and Ethan are in the living room and might hear us; I want to yell at the top of my lungs how incredible, how amazing this moment is; how close I feel to Ben, how much I love him. My lungs suck in all the air in the room and then I’m just holding onto him so, so tight. 

It’s too much and not enough all at the same time.

The dizziness fades after it’s over and I’m aware of how hard I’m gasping. Like a total dork, sprawled on my hands and knees over him, I just stare. If I didn’t love him before, I am so madly, deeply enthralled with this boy now that I don’t think I can ever let him go. He is a part of me and I am a part of him, even if that wasn’t technically ‘sex’.

“Oh my god…” I breathe. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” A hand comes to my mouth in horror. It’s all over him. His forearm, his abdomen. Somehow it got on his shoulder. I immediately flounder for tissues, a towel, anything... I’ll take a spare pillowcase at this point. Why didn’t I think this through? I have thirty-six condoms in my backpack, but no tissues? Really? Yale ought to just send the rejection letter right now because what kind of _idiot…_

“It’s okay.” He laughs. It’s dark but I can still make out the self-satisfied smile he’s not trying terribly hard to hide.

He reaches inside the bag from the pharmacy we stopped at on the way here and pulls out a travel pack of kleenex. What do you know, at least one of us was prepared.

“What else is in that bag?” I ask.

He’s quiet.

“Ben…”

He clears his throat. “Condoms. Lube. And... some other supplies. Not that I was expecting to- I just wanted to be ready in case- I mean, it’s your birthday and all and I didn’t know if-” 

I lean down and kiss him. “I love it. I love that your were thinking about that.”

He grins like an idiot too.

“Happy birthday, Arthur.”

I almost wish him a happy birthday too because, the blood isn’t exactly back where it’s supposed to be just yet, but it’s getting there. We’re getting there. 

I fall onto him with a happy sigh and his arms come around me.

I groan though and drop my head into the center of his chest because I know I didn’t get him off and I’m too self-conscious to acknowledge it in any other way. He snickers and kisses the top of my head that it’s okay.

I’d offer a do-over, but how do you re-do perfect? Because it was. Perfect. Just like him. Twenty-four hours ago, hell _six_ hours ago, it wasn’t at all looking like my birthday would turn out this way, but it really was the best birthday a seventeen year old boy in love could ask for.

And as for Ben, we have a few more days. I’ll get him back in the morning. I don’t think he knows what he’s in for yet. That is totally just my overconfidence talking. I have no idea what I’m doing, but we’ll figure it out. 

And I know it’s a lot to expect it to be perfect...

But, because it’s us, I know it will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that I _am_ capable of writing fluff!! (And something that isn't Voltron... Who knew? :P)
> 
>  
> 
> Sooooo... It kinda irritates me that a lot of media portray teen couples as going straight from making out to sex, skipping literally everything in between. And there is _a lot_ that can go on in between. I get why they can't publish that stuff without upping the rating, blah, blah, blah... But I also find it hard to believe that two teenage boys who are very much in love didn't get handsy with each other at least once. Anyways, this was meant to fill in some of those gaps.
> 
>  
> 
> Please check out _What If It's Us_ if you haven't and my other works too if you liked this one! Comments and feedback are appreciated! <3
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/enjayas_writes) and [Tumblr](https://enjayas.tumblr.com/).


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